Trump Administration Denounces Rival Forex Currencies as ‘Fake Money’

Highly-strung former Presidential hopeful Donald “The Donald” J. Trump has recently threatened to reclassify a number of rival currencies as ‘fake money.’

Trump is renowned for his strident rants on this personal trolling account on Twitter (some might say notorious, but I guess I won’t be the guy to stick my neck out).

Actually, the official @POTUS account is fairly mundane, and is probably administered by his interns. But the trolling account, @realdonaldtrump, has recently seen some hilariously incompetent Twitter action:

Japanese! Unbelievable! No respect! Bombed our navy at Hiroshima! Their speculators are destroying our currency. We don’t need the Yen. FAKE YEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The FAKE ROUBLES are TAKING OVER our country. They flow across our borders, they take, take, take, and they give NOTHING back. DEPORT ALL FOREIGN MONEY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chinese FAKE YEN speculators are squeezing us for all they can get! They’ve been too smart for our corrupt establishment and MSM. TAKE BACK OUR DOLLARS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, Trump’s two or three remaining borderline-economically-sane advisers have warned him that actually decreeing a currency as ‘fake’ has no effect in the real world. Or indeed the real-life stock market.

Trump is said to be privately fuming at this disloyal behaviour. Apparently, he recently told Ivanka:

“You know, ISIS are just killing us in the stock market. Absolutely killing us! Something needs to be done. Our businessmen care more about their dishonest partners in the ISIS stock exchange, than they do about us! FAKE BUSINESS!!!!!!!”

If what we have heard is true, Ivanka smirked indulgently at her father’s erratic buffoonery, and said nothing.

Maybe that’s the best way!