Labour Manifesto Calls For Space Hoppers, Spangles and White Dog Poo For All

Further evidence that Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour Party are stuck in the 1970’s, was revealed this week with the leaked Labour election manifesto.  Although the leaked manifesto has been confirmed by Labour headquarters, it appears the  126-page document is the real deal.

 

A labour official, on condition of anonymity, confirmed with Chester Independent that the leaked document was the one agreed at the policy meeting. Talk of Jeremy Corbyn wanting to take Labour and the UK back to the 1970’s has been heightened since the leak. Here we can reveal some of the election pledges that give credence to the 1970’s talk

Re-nationalise the Railways

The most predictable of all the Labour policies.  Taking back the railways and returning to the days of British Rail has long been the dream of the labour parties. Those halcyon days of constant rail strikes, delays and coffee at 30 pence a slice are what Labour are promising.

Forget Cycle Lanes, It’s Space Hopper Lanes

Under a Labour government, eco-friendly transport will be encouraged and subsidised. Every man, woman and child will be given a bright orange Space Hopper which they can use to travel to and from school or work. Existing roads will be widened in order to create safe Space Hopper lanes.

Spangles, Marathons and Opal Fruits

In the Labour manifesto, there will be a return of previously discontinued confectionery. Spangle will be brought back whilst Snickers and Starburst will revert back to their previous names. There was no mention of whether Cif will be changed back to Jif.

White Dog Poo in Labour Manifesto

Probably the most bizarre of all the Labour policies, is the reintroduction of white dog poo. Changes to calcium in dog foods effectively ended white dog poo. White dog poo is now rarer to find that a Corbyn-follower that doesn’t blame ‘The Rothschilds’ for the world’s woes. The reintroduction of white dog poo is regarded as essential for Labour to get Britain Back to the 70’s.

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